June: Passion In My Weakness, Slowly Realizing…

The corners of my room are closing in on me.

Every night is suffocating in this cave I call home.

My room is a beast that feeds on my energy.

The walls have eyes that bulge out of them and they stare at me every night.

They now have mouths and they laugh at me every day.

I hop off my concrete sleeping mat in hopes that today’ll be different,

I leave with a spring in my step hoping that today will be the day I’m free from this dream.

Later that day I come home and have this hope ripped out of my chest and stomped on.

I feel the laser points of their snipers pointing at me in every direction.

Their fingers are fully loaded and they’re laughing at me.

Laughing at my feeble attempts to be free.

I can’t do it.

This is when I realize that there is no hope.

I can’t do this alone, but I am alone, so there is no hope.

This is why I’m always shivering in the summer.

Always wearing coats because the summer is so cold.

People don’t know they just assume you’re ok,

or maybe they assume you’re not.

Either way this weight is a lot and it’s pressing on my chest,

I take deep breaths to try and forget what’s next.

Slowly realizing that I am hopeless.

 

 

 

 

New Music: That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220

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That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

That’s a kawal! – Jamal Lee (Prod. by Norledges)

That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220

Lyrics: https://genius.com/Jamal-lee-thats-a-kawal-annotated

When I first started writing to this beat it was purely for fun. I just wanted to write a verse that sounded like your typical rap flow that you’d hear now days, but after writing and rapping it I started to have fun and enjoy myself so I continued writing. This song is mainly a joke and isn’t that serious, but it does feature some topics that I do think are real issues with music today (the rap genre to be more specific).

 

 

June: Tired Of…

Tired Of…

3am….

4am…..

7am…….

Time passes by and my eyes are opened wide,

stuck in the sunken place as the sun begins to rise.

So tired yet I can’t seem to fall asleep.

I thought maybe I was having a lucid dream,

but I was wrong, I was caught in a loop of a never ending dream.

A dream that flows along a never ending stream that is time,

a dream that never depletes, only repeats and defeats my withered heart.

Again and again, I find myself stuck at the same part.

As the clocks tick and seconds pass by I wonder why,

I make efforts and try to escape, but the sunken place is a ferocious cave,

a place with no days, no nights, just time in it’s prime.

I lay down on what feels like concrete and close my eyes

but, It’s no surprise that with this attempt I still see.

My eyes are open again and my heart starts beating and there’s a switch in my breathing,

and here it goes again.

Scared of the end,

I feel like it’s seeping through the creeks of my non-sleeping season.

Wonder if I can beat it…

I sit up defeated,

Feeling so tired of…

seeing the same dream that haunts my brain,

the same dream that is a never ending drain,

a drain where all the contents of my existence go down.

I’m just tired and I want to sleep,

when will this eternal insomniac adventure finish?

 

 

 

 

 

New Music: That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220

June: Passion In My Weakness, Memories Of…

Memories of…

Flickers of light that fade away when I reach out to touch them.

I hear echoes of past memories behind each door,

but when I open each door I find an empty room filled with silence.

I can almost recall and then as soon as I open my mouth, it’s gone.

I’m tired and frustrated, I hate it.

It’s like my eyes open and see something so vivid and then shortly after, this “something” vanishes like a mirage you see in the desert when dehydrated for a few hours.

Questions occur and I know the right answer I just can’t recur,

to some this is “light”, nothing, soft, or easy, but for me it’s like I left my mind in the freezer,

my feet hurt, I think I’ve lost track of where I’m running.

Someone just put a cloth over the sun and now it’s dark outside,

I live in Toronto though,

so it’s not really dark, but it seems like darkness loves to loom around my heart.

Picture a framed page with strokes of paint across it’s face,

Strokes of pain stained, strokes of pure expression,

yet when you see it you’ll be guessing.

It’s so obvious, but you just don’t get it.

The art that this artist worked so hard on is thrown in the trash due to misunderstanding and lack of communication.

No matter how hard he tries to express how he feels, no one an decipher his work.

That framed page with strokes of paint across it’s face,

with strokes of pain that stained, and strokes of pure expression, all fade away and the artist is left feeling pathetic.

This is how I feel when i can’t remember the key aspects of things when I’m explaining something.

I feel like my mind became a hammer and smashed through the glass window that is my face and left it shattered in emptiness.

This is stupid.

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Music: That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220

July: Thoughts of Giving…

“Give in!, give in!”

Echoing throughout my skull,

feeling null and dull,

Like a samurai’s blade that’s been deemed useless,

as good as finished.

As sharp as a sponge and capable of cutting nothing.

I feel like a samurai who has reached the end of his road.

His days are reaching their final moments and it may be time to rest.

He fought hard, He gave it all he got, but in the end he failed.

The enemy was too powerful and now he stands with disgrace.

No honour, no nothing.

I feel like I’m sitting under a giant sakura tree with it’s petals flying everywhere.

Only moments away from being completely enveloped in petals under the harsh moonlight,

A sorrow filled moon that has tasted defeat and is now crying it’s final tear.

Feeling like 10k on the Kelvin scale,

bluer than those Jordan shoes.

I thought about giving in,

I thought about finishing, this is it.

but the winds just seemed to lift the petals off the ground.

Is falling the only purpose of those petals?

I wondered as I sat there.

fully defeated, yet life still has a strong grasp on me.

I was hit with vital wounds, yet my vitality level stays thriving.

It seems I can’t give up yet, I can’t give in now.

Purpose is knocking at my door and I’m scared to answer.

Not Allowed To Feel

This Video is a series of poems I wrote put together in conjoint visual and audio expression. Below the video link is the actual poems written out, so you can read them if interested.

Not Allowed To Feel:

Men feel too. Young boys grow up thinking they aren’t allowed to feel emotional and they suppress the vulnerable side of themselves thinking that’ll make them more “manly”. Men are often taught that having emotions makes them soft and that they can’t be emotional or feel pain, but it’s time we break this mould created by society and change the way people view this topic. My video features some personal vulnerability that will, hopefully, show people that men feel too and that it’s ok to experience emotions. We should all embrace our emotions, for they are part of what make us who we are.

 

Video Link: https://youtu.be/S30lRpV1LDs

 

             1. Each strand  

It feels foolish to even think like this.

Young men told that it’s their emotions that they should dismiss,

If you a real man you shouldn’t let emotions persist,

If you even let a little slip you’ll be drowned in the abyss of the wimpiest.

Before I knew it, was hiding the way I felt,

I was lying to myself and saying how I feel doesn’t matter.

My emotions bottled up inside were left to dry and these tears that I would never cry, left to die.

Convinced that it was invalid to feel,

To be real and deal with pain that I can’t conceal.

I accepted this lie and had begun to see each strand of pain as invalid.

Each strand that disappeared from my hand, invalid.

I went to sleep every night with my mind so heavy I couldn’t manage.

Elephants standing tall in the wounds that ran off the cliff.

Scars that reach far and touch the deepest,

so sleepless when I see this.

    2. What Happened?

(This poem is said throughout the video in the background)

“what happened to your….”

“Why would you do that?”

“You should do this, I think it would make you look better”

“It’s just dirty, It’s unclean”

“Come on man..”

“Just cut it off!”

“It’s time to let go bro”

“You need a new line up!”

“Eww”

“Mommy, what happened to his hair….”

“Gross!”

“Guy?!?”

“Want me to do it for you?”

“Are you alright?”

“You good fam?”

“Your appearance is not good enough,

there’s levels that you do not meet,

the way you look is not appealing,

you damage the eyes of those who see,

please….

Get

Rid

Of

It

PLeaSe?”

“Ya ya love yourself, BUT hate how you look.”

“Freedom to be who you are, but who you are is not good enough”

“You are not visually up to standard”

“I will stare at you in disgust for more than twenty two seconds then look away,

after 5 more I’ll look again.”

“It does not really matter, you’re over thinking this”

“This is something light”

“Grow up”

“This is real life”

“Why do you care so much?”

“I think you should just move on”

“It does not matter at all, just grow up and stop overthinking and being emotional, Jamal”

3. Anxiety Attack

A sound heart.

A Quiet relaxed train ride.

A storm rolls in and things aren’t the same.

The moment when the train rides off the cliff into imaginary space,

No more tracks just the feeling of falling down,

Losing a sense of reality,

You grab on to your cell phone as hard as you can to feel real again,

You step outside and embrace the cold winter chill,

Because that freezing breeze is the only thing that makes you chill,

In that moment that’s the only thing you can feel,

To be cold, to feel alive again.

4. The last two minutes of the video was an unwritten freestyle.

 

 

 

 

New Music: That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220