Streams Of An Open Heart, Honesty.


Genuine and broken,

Open and honest,

Hoping you got this,

Cause when the flower blossoms

Can I trust in the process?

Even when my brain can’t process?

Thoughts keep popping, pushing and making me nauseous,

But in the end I realize God got this

I Look up and see that God got this,

The only hope there is in this world.

Nothing can ever stop it.
A God so awesome,

You hold the universe in your palm,

You tell the stars to explode with light or stay calm,

You speak life in the vines and roots of the world,

Beyond our understanding,

So in this I understand that nothing can ever stop it.

The crazy love you have for us,

Forever it rains, forever you reign,

Take control of my life as I call your name,

Become the pilot of this detouring plane,

Set the destination for home as I live by your way.

Guide every step I take.

Guide my every day.

I come before you genuine and broken,

Open and honest,

Hoping you got this,

Cause when the flower blossoms

Can I trust in the process?

Even when my brain can’t process?

Thoughts keep popping, pushing and making me nauseous,

But in the end I realize God got this

I Look up and see that God got this,

The only hope there is in this world.

Nothing can ever stop it.

New Music: That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee
Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220

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Love Letter.

Ever since we first became friends at the beginning of the summer of 2016 I really felt like you were someone who I could just exist with. We didn’t have to talk or do anything, just existing near each other or in the same room was enough. Before we became friends at all I was subtly attracted to your existance and felt the desire to always talk to you and see what was going on inside your mind. We existed as friends and soon we’ll exist as husband and wife. I’m thankful for meeting you and every second spent with you and every second we’ll get to spend together just existing. You’re truly the perfect person for me, we’re able to just bounce thoughts off of each other so freely and effortlessly. Let’s continue to do so as we grow Gabriella Kelly (Lee in the near future). Let’s follow God with all of our hearts and truly become one under the son, representing the love that Christ has for his church.

I love you Gabriella.

– Jamal Lee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Music: That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220

Nobody Goes On Walks Anymore

What happened to the days when we could just run away,

Play a game outside and turn outside into space,

What happened to the creativity of the brain?

dancing in the rain because it was hard to refrain,

Where do these things remain?

Only the insane go on walks these days.

“If it doesn’t cost money then I’m not going”

“Wanna go eat here?”

“let’s go to the movies”

“let’s go shopping at the mall”

“I’m not going here because I have no money”

Where’s the value in just hanging out and thinking in silence together,

Together ain’t together unless there’s a money tether, or something “better”.

Simple just don’t cut it, why go on a walk in the sunset when you can pay to sit down and do nothing.

Paying money is the funnest.

Social media be the farthest we go,

we see trees and nature and say I wanna go.

We walk outside and ignore trees and nature,

We stay glued to our phones.

Social media is the farthest we go.

Nowadays we rather watch a video of people riding bikes together,

rather than riding bikes together.

We rather watch a million “DIY” videos than doing those things ourself.

“wow so artsy”

“so creative”

“I wish I can do that”

Funny thing is, you can do that,

you can do more if you really tried,

you can reach the skies and pass it, no surprise,

surpass all of the lies, just try.

Social media be the furthest we go,

if not then it’s a tv show.

“Reality” tv is life, if not the Netflix is life.

“Hey Jamal chill, go watch some Netflix”

That’s what they telling me, a new episode just came out,

Forget being creative, just hibernate and binge watch.

There’s always tomorrow to do that.

Days gone by wasted on looking at things we could buy,

things we “wish” we could do.

Black and blue when I think about this because I to,

behave the same.

I mean I try to escape this place but I can’t

and I end up lost in time wondering why it’s like this.

“300 plus years of them cold shoulders

Yet 300 million of us still got no focus”

That’s what Joey said and it’s mind boggling, I don’t get.

It’s pathetic.

We’re so ahead and in the future, yet so behind.

We’re so satisfied with the life we have,

with this life that’s fed in front of us like we’re some prisoners

receiving food from a hole and that food is the only thing we can eat.

 

 

 

New Music: That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

 

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220

Is School The Only Way?

All I hear is school this and school that.

School is great, but does school help me make this rap?

Not really, I’m just kidding.

See school can help you do what you wanna do,

but do you need school?

no.

School is an addition, a choice, a gift (If you want it).

School isn’t something that’ll make or break your life.

Of course if what you want to do with your life requires school then you do school,

But not everyone needs school.

I always hear people talking down on those who don’t go to school,

I also always hear people who are in school complaining about it and hating the experience.

How can you get at someone for enjoying their life while you’re miserable trying to make money.

Sometimes more money really does equal to more problems

and if you got problems money don’t always solve em.

Money is great, but it isn’t worth your life.

Life itself is precious and if your life is chained and shackled to school, then it’s time to rethink your life.

Because at the end of the day life is a book with many pages,

A journey that is far more vast than the mind can comprehend, so why limit it to just school and money?

Not Knocking school or anyone who goes to it,

I’m just saying that school isn’t who you are and it’s not all there is to life.

You don’t need school to be successful and happy.

 

 

 

 

New Music: That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220

June: I see pictures of…

I see pictures, images, stills of…

Brighter days, sunny days, illuminated caves.

Slivers of silver shining in the sky lines beyond my eyes,

life in a picture frame that extend beyond my mind.

I see something in the air.

Though not clear, I can tell something’s there.

 

 

 

 

 

New Music: That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220

June: Passion In My Weakness, Slowly Realizing…

The corners of my room are closing in on me.

Every night is suffocating in this cave I call home.

My room is a beast that feeds on my energy.

The walls have eyes that bulge out of them and they stare at me every night.

They now have mouths and they laugh at me every day.

I hop off my concrete sleeping mat in hopes that today’ll be different,

I leave with a spring in my step hoping that today will be the day I’m free from this dream.

Later that day I come home and have this hope ripped out of my chest and stomped on.

I feel the laser points of their snipers pointing at me in every direction.

Their fingers are fully loaded and they’re laughing at me.

Laughing at my feeble attempts to be free.

I can’t do it.

This is when I realize that there is no hope.

I can’t do this alone, but I am alone, so there is no hope.

This is why I’m always shivering in the summer.

Always wearing coats because the summer is so cold.

People don’t know they just assume you’re ok,

or maybe they assume you’re not.

Either way this weight is a lot and it’s pressing on my chest,

I take deep breaths to try and forget what’s next.

Slowly realizing that I am hopeless.

 

 

 

 

New Music: That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220

June: Tired Of…

Tired Of…

3am….

4am…..

7am…….

Time passes by and my eyes are opened wide,

stuck in the sunken place as the sun begins to rise.

So tired yet I can’t seem to fall asleep.

I thought maybe I was having a lucid dream,

but I was wrong, I was caught in a loop of a never ending dream.

A dream that flows along a never ending stream that is time,

a dream that never depletes, only repeats and defeats my withered heart.

Again and again, I find myself stuck at the same part.

As the clocks tick and seconds pass by I wonder why,

I make efforts and try to escape, but the sunken place is a ferocious cave,

a place with no days, no nights, just time in it’s prime.

I lay down on what feels like concrete and close my eyes

but, It’s no surprise that with this attempt I still see.

My eyes are open again and my heart starts beating and there’s a switch in my breathing,

and here it goes again.

Scared of the end,

I feel like it’s seeping through the creeks of my non-sleeping season.

Wonder if I can beat it…

I sit up defeated,

Feeling so tired of…

seeing the same dream that haunts my brain,

the same dream that is a never ending drain,

a drain where all the contents of my existence go down.

I’m just tired and I want to sleep,

when will this eternal insomniac adventure finish?

 

 

 

 

 

New Music: That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220

June: Passion In My Weakness, Memories Of…

Memories of…

Flickers of light that fade away when I reach out to touch them.

I hear echoes of past memories behind each door,

but when I open each door I find an empty room filled with silence.

I can almost recall and then as soon as I open my mouth, it’s gone.

I’m tired and frustrated, I hate it.

It’s like my eyes open and see something so vivid and then shortly after, this “something” vanishes like a mirage you see in the desert when dehydrated for a few hours.

Questions occur and I know the right answer I just can’t recur,

to some this is “light”, nothing, soft, or easy, but for me it’s like I left my mind in the freezer,

my feet hurt, I think I’ve lost track of where I’m running.

Someone just put a cloth over the sun and now it’s dark outside,

I live in Toronto though,

so it’s not really dark, but it seems like darkness loves to loom around my heart.

Picture a framed page with strokes of paint across it’s face,

Strokes of pain stained, strokes of pure expression,

yet when you see it you’ll be guessing.

It’s so obvious, but you just don’t get it.

The art that this artist worked so hard on is thrown in the trash due to misunderstanding and lack of communication.

No matter how hard he tries to express how he feels, no one an decipher his work.

That framed page with strokes of paint across it’s face,

with strokes of pain that stained, and strokes of pure expression, all fade away and the artist is left feeling pathetic.

This is how I feel when i can’t remember the key aspects of things when I’m explaining something.

I feel like my mind became a hammer and smashed through the glass window that is my face and left it shattered in emptiness.

This is stupid.

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Music: That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220

Not Allowed To Feel

This Video is a series of poems I wrote put together in conjoint visual and audio expression. Below the video link is the actual poems written out, so you can read them if interested.

Not Allowed To Feel:

Men feel too. Young boys grow up thinking they aren’t allowed to feel emotional and they suppress the vulnerable side of themselves thinking that’ll make them more “manly”. Men are often taught that having emotions makes them soft and that they can’t be emotional or feel pain, but it’s time we break this mould created by society and change the way people view this topic. My video features some personal vulnerability that will, hopefully, show people that men feel too and that it’s ok to experience emotions. We should all embrace our emotions, for they are part of what make us who we are.

 

Video Link: https://youtu.be/S30lRpV1LDs

 

             1. Each strand  

It feels foolish to even think like this.

Young men told that it’s their emotions that they should dismiss,

If you a real man you shouldn’t let emotions persist,

If you even let a little slip you’ll be drowned in the abyss of the wimpiest.

Before I knew it, was hiding the way I felt,

I was lying to myself and saying how I feel doesn’t matter.

My emotions bottled up inside were left to dry and these tears that I would never cry, left to die.

Convinced that it was invalid to feel,

To be real and deal with pain that I can’t conceal.

I accepted this lie and had begun to see each strand of pain as invalid.

Each strand that disappeared from my hand, invalid.

I went to sleep every night with my mind so heavy I couldn’t manage.

Elephants standing tall in the wounds that ran off the cliff.

Scars that reach far and touch the deepest,

so sleepless when I see this.

    2. What Happened?

(This poem is said throughout the video in the background)

“what happened to your….”

“Why would you do that?”

“You should do this, I think it would make you look better”

“It’s just dirty, It’s unclean”

“Come on man..”

“Just cut it off!”

“It’s time to let go bro”

“You need a new line up!”

“Eww”

“Mommy, what happened to his hair….”

“Gross!”

“Guy?!?”

“Want me to do it for you?”

“Are you alright?”

“You good fam?”

“Your appearance is not good enough,

there’s levels that you do not meet,

the way you look is not appealing,

you damage the eyes of those who see,

please….

Get

Rid

Of

It

PLeaSe?”

“Ya ya love yourself, BUT hate how you look.”

“Freedom to be who you are, but who you are is not good enough”

“You are not visually up to standard”

“I will stare at you in disgust for more than twenty two seconds then look away,

after 5 more I’ll look again.”

“It does not really matter, you’re over thinking this”

“This is something light”

“Grow up”

“This is real life”

“Why do you care so much?”

“I think you should just move on”

“It does not matter at all, just grow up and stop overthinking and being emotional, Jamal”

3. Anxiety Attack

A sound heart.

A Quiet relaxed train ride.

A storm rolls in and things aren’t the same.

The moment when the train rides off the cliff into imaginary space,

No more tracks just the feeling of falling down,

Losing a sense of reality,

You grab on to your cell phone as hard as you can to feel real again,

You step outside and embrace the cold winter chill,

Because that freezing breeze is the only thing that makes you chill,

In that moment that’s the only thing you can feel,

To be cold, to feel alive again.

4. The last two minutes of the video was an unwritten freestyle.

 

 

 

 

New Music: That’s a Kawal! – Jamal Lee

Available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, etc!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/thats-a-kawal-single/id1249348220